Rivalry Jokes!

In an attempt to brighten the mood a bit (and inflate my post count), I thought I'd start one of my favorite parts of rivalry week. The :utard: jokes!







There were three Utes huddled around each other at a local bar. All of a sudden, they jumped up and yelled, "Yeah, 45! 45!"



The bartender goes down to them and asks, "45? What are you guys so excited about?"



One of the Utes speaks up: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. The box said 2 to 3 years, and we did it in 45 days!"

How do you break a Ute's finger?

Punch him in the nose.

A Ute was down on his luck so he decided to go out and kidnap a child to get the ransom. He went to the park and snuck up on one of the kids. He grabbed him and took him behind a tree. He told the kid that he was kidnapped and pinned a note on the kid's shirt that read:

"I have kidnapped your child. If you want to see him again, put $20,000 in a sack and leave it in front of the tree at the park. --- A Ute."



He told the child to make sure his parents saw the note and sent the child home.



The next day the Ute went to the tree to find a sack. He looked inside to find the money he had asked for and a note that read:

"How could one Ute do this to another Ute?"

A lady is buying a house. So she is going through the house telling the contractor what color she wants each room.



She goes into the first room and says I want this room blue. So the contractor yells out the window, "green side up!". She is confused but doesn't think anything of it.



They walk into the next room and she said she wants this room yellow. The contractor then yells out the window, "green side up!" She is really confused so she said, "I said I wanted this room yellow. Why are you yelling green side up?" The contractor then says, "We have some U of U students out front laying sod."

Three Yewts were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first Yewt said, "Those must be deer tracks!"

The second yewt said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!"

The third yewt said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!"



They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.

Top 10 Most Popular Classes at Utah.



10) Philosophy: Why Don't They Spell It with an "F" ?

9) Pre-Law Seminar: Age of Consent in 50 States

8) Sandwich Making: A Project Course

7) Hand-Shadow Workshop

6) Subtraction: Addition's Tricky Friend

5) Cliff's Notes vs. Monarch Notes: 2 Views of the Classics

4) Hydraulic Principles of the Keg

3) The College Classroom: A Simulation

2) ABC's: An Extended Version

1) Your Butt from a Hole in the Ground: A Comparative Study

-Did you hear the U of U library burnt down? The tragedy was half the books weren't colored in yet.

What's the difference between a Ute fan and puppies??

The puppies stop whining after 6 weeks.

The puppies probably have more teeth as well.

Did you hear Coach Whittingham got so mad at his players the other day, he said he’s only going to dress ten players this year?

The rest are going to have to dress themselves.

Q:Three Utah students are riding together in a car. Who's driving?

A: The state trooper.

So, a guy walks into a bar laughing his butt off. He goes up to the bartender and says: "I've got the greatest joke about those morons over at the U!"



The bartender says to him: "I've watched every Utah game since I was ten years old. The two bouncers went to the U, and those four guys in the corner are the Ute's Defensive Line. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"



The guy replies: "Well no - Not if I'm going to have to explain it seven times!"

I’m an extremely diehard BYU fan, so every once in awhile I will see a U fan wearing his school colors walking on the side of the road, and I can't help myself.... I have to give him a little scare. So I aim my car as if I'm going to hit him and speed up, then pull off at the last second, barely missing him. It scares the crap out of him, and gives me a good laugh.



So I'm driving down the road one day when I see my stake president next to a broken down car. I stop and tell him I will give him a ride to the nearest gas station, to which he replies "Thank you brother, may God bless you."

On the way there I see a U fan walking on the side of the road. As usual, I speed up and aim for him, then pull off at the last second. I was sure I had missed him, but I heard a very distinct *THUD*, and as I turn my head I realize that I had forgotten that my stake president was in my car.



Horrified, I say "President, I apologize, I just barely missed hitting that U fan with my car!"



To which he replies "It's alright brother, I got him with the door."

Q: How did the Ute break his leg raking leaves?

A: He fell out of the tree.

Yndian, how may of your 234 posts come from one week in a year? ;)



Love the comedic gold you're throwing around!

Glee has been so popular among the ewets that it when it was announced that a special campus club would be formed the response was overwhelming.



IF YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES SHOW OFF YOUR TALENT

AND BE ONE OF US AT THE NEW U-GLEE CLUB.



Some people mentioned they expected singing to be involved but the beer made up for it.

A U of U fan walks into a doctor's office and takes off his hat revealing a huge frog, the doctor says "what can I do for you" and the frog says "Is there any way you can get the this wart off my butt?

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store."



"But I'm a U of U graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "I even played football there!"



"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."

A few years back, the University of Utah was working really hard to improve its sports teams. They went after several of the top recruits in the area and were so excited when one of them committed.



As the football season came near, it became apparent that their prized recruit would not qualify academically to play. The Coaches and the Athletic Dept. were so worried that they decided that the player would be given a qualifying oral exam. If he passed, they would allow him to play regardless of his grades. The U professors got together to make the exam. They decided on one simple question as to make sure the athlete would be able to answer correctly.



The Athletic Director thought that this would be great publicity for the season so he made the event open fans and the student body.



The day of the exam arrived. The Huntsman Center was solid red as it was packed to capacity, everyone so eager to see what would happen. The athlete sat at mid-court in front of a panel as the crowd quieted down. Then there was silence.

Over the loudspeaker, they asked the question:

"What is 8 times 8?"



There was an uncomfortable pause...

The athlete answered, "64".



The crowd was silent for what seemed like minutes when somebody finally yelled:

"GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!!"

-Q. What are the toughest 6 years in a Ute’s life?

A. 3rd Grade.

Q. What does a Ute co-ed and a quarter in the bottom of a toilet have in common?



A. Everyone knows it's there, but no one wants to take it out.