Nick Emery Blogs About His Withdrawing from BYU

https://www.theoutlive.com/new-blog/2017/12/11/outlive-the-tendency



My take is that he pretty much tells you nothing, other than "don't pretend to know me or judge me", but with a few hundred extra words.



He begins by teasing that he's going to tell you why he withdrew (AKA a "hook")

We each have our story we are living, so this is a little about mine. Very few know and don’t understand why I have withdrawn from school and basketball ..



So that's where it begins ...

And then after vague details, vague denials, no admission or reference to alleged NCAA violations, he tries to deliver what he promised at the outset

So why did I withdraw after all? After countless nights of no sleep, school, basketball, divorce, NCAA, my family's safety and my own safety, I decided it was good to withdraw from school and put an end to all the craziness.

It still feels to me like he withdrew to take himself out of the NCAA's jurisdiction, and once they complete their investigation without being able to compel him to do anything (like they could if he was still enrolled), he'll be back. Just my two cents. He didn't deny a single allegation or in any way address his relationship with a 40+ year old booster.



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As a fan, that's the one thing I do care about--couldn't care a whit less about your divorce, honor code issues (or lack therof) or anything else--that's your bidness, but when you start taking stuff from boosters, you put the entire program at risk with what you are doing.

I like Nick Emery as a basketball player and as a person. It appears he's been accused of all manner of things including breaking the honor code which he does flat out deny. He's been through a lot with that divorce. Maybe the booster thing is true. Maybe it isn't. One thing that I'm working on personally is to not judge others. Maybe it was just a smart move to avoid the NCAA penalty. I just hope he gets his life back together.



On a side note I think divorce for men in the LDS church is especially difficult. I remember someone writing in one time to the Ensign stating that there are plenty of articles all of the time about how women in the Church deal with divorce and unfaithful husbands etc but that there's never or rarely anything written for men to deal with divorce and unfaithful wives. Again, maybe Emery is at fault and maybe he isn't but it seems that in the Church 99.99% of the time everyone just assumes that the husband was either a jerk or unfaithful.

I hope he moves on and gets the chance to play for Pope at UVU.

On a side note I think divorce for men in the LDS church is especially difficult. I remember someone writing in one time to the Ensign stating that there are plenty of articles all of the time about how women in the Church deal with divorce and unfaithful husbands etc but that there's never or rarely anything written for men to deal with divorce and unfaithful wives. Again, maybe Emery is at fault and maybe he isn't but it seems that in the Church 99.99% of the time everyone just assumes that the husband was either a jerk or unfaithful.

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I believe that to be correct.

Mars wrote:

I hope he moves on and gets the chance to play for Pope at UVU.

Pretty sure he pledged in that blog to return to BYU when things settle down. Wasn't considering another school.

Fido wrote:

I hope he moves on and gets the chance to play for Pope at UVU.

Pretty sure he pledged in that blog to return to BYU when things settle down. Wasn't considering another school.

Depending on how the NCAA investigation goes, BYU might not want him back....

snoscythe wrote:

Mars wrote:

I hope he moves on and gets the chance to play for Pope at UVU.

Pretty sure he pledged in that blog to return to BYU when things settle down. Wasn't considering another school.

Depending on how the NCAA investigation goes, BYU might not want him back....

You're quick to assume some wrongdoing here. you may be right. On the other hand, given that the accusers have a reason to want to hurt him (ex-in-laws who are probably ute fans) it could also go the way of previous NCAA violation accusations brought by ute fans (sockgate and others)

Mars wrote:

I hope he moves on and gets the chance to play for Pope at UVU.

He could do much better than that if he did move on.

Some thoughts:



1) I think the NCAA investigation was the straw that broke the camel's back for Emery. Whether is was a way to skirt repercussions or not, I don't care. By withdrawing, we won't have to hear about it game after game. It won't be a distraction for him or the team.



2) People are nosey and judgey. Mormons, IMO, are particularly judgey. Case in point, I graduated high school at 19. Rather than go right into the mission field, I went to a year of college first. Just about every American missionary I met would badger me about starting my mission "late." The conversation usually went like this:

Judgey Missionary:So, why did you start your mission late?

Me:Uhh...what do you mean? I didn't start it late. I started it within the allotted time period.

Judgey Missionary:Every worthy and able-bodied 19 year old man is supposed to serve a mission. You're able bodied, so you must have had worthiness issues.

Me:Ummm, no. I just wanted to go to a year of college first. Get a year away from home before going into the field.

Judgey Missionary Right...

Me: Yep, exactly.

Judgey Missionary: There's only one sin that I know of that requires someone to wait a year, and that's breaking the law of chastity.

Me: Ahh, nope. No chastity issue here.

Judgey Missionary: Sure...that's probably what they told you to say since when you're forgiven God doesn't remember your sins anymore so why should you.

Me: So...if we aren't supposed to remember our sins anymore, why are you bringing it up?

Judgey Missionary: See. Knew you had chastity issues. Fact you're defensive proves it.

Me: (sigh)...ya got me Elder.

Judgey Missionary: Knew it! What was is like?



I feel for Emery. Hope he sorts things out.

Gunk wrote:

Some thoughts:



1) I think the NCAA investigation was the straw that broke the camel's back for Emery. Whether is was a way to skirt repercussions or not, I don't care. By withdrawing, we won't have to hear about it game after game. It won't be a distraction for him or the team.



2) People are nosey and judgey. Mormons, IMO, are particularly judgey. Case in point, I graduated high school at 19. Rather than go right into the mission field, I went to a year of college first. Just about every American missionary I met would badger me about starting my mission "late." The conversation usually went like this:

Judgey Missionary: So, why did you start your mission late?

Me: Uhh...what do you mean? I didn't start it late. I started it within the allotted time period.

Judgey Missionary: Every worthy and able-bodied 19 year old man is supposed to serve a mission. You're able bodied, so you must have had worthiness issues.

Me: Ummm, no. I just wanted to go to a year of college first. Get a year away from home before going into the field.

Judgey Missionary: Right...

Me: Yep, exactly.

Judgey Missionary: There's only one sin that I know of that requires someone to wait a year, and that's breaking the law of chastity.

Me: Ahh, nope. No chastity issue here.

Judgey Missionary: Sure...that's probably what they told you to say since when you're forgiven God doesn't remember your sins anymore so why should you.

Me: So...if we aren't supposed to remember our sins anymore, why are you bringing it up?

Judgey Missionary: See. Knew you had chastity issues. Fact defensive proves it.

Me: (sigh)...ya got me Elder.

Judgey Missionary: Knew it! What was is like?



I feel for Emery. Hope he sorts things out.

Geez, what a crappy thing to have to hear from another missionary. You can only hope people like that eventually grow up.

BlueK wrote:

Some thoughts:



1) I think the NCAA investigation was the straw that broke the camel's back for Emery. Whether is was a way to skirt repercussions or not, I don't care. By withdrawing, we won't have to hear about it game after game. It won't be a distraction for him or the team.



2) People are nosey and judgey. Mormons, IMO, are particularly judgey. Case in point, I graduated high school at 19. Rather than go right into the mission field, I went to a year of college first. Just about every American missionary I met would badger me about starting my mission "late." The conversation usually went like this:

Judgey Missionary: So, why did you start your mission late?

Me: Uhh...what do you mean? I didn't start it late. I started it within the allotted time period.

Judgey Missionary: Every worthy and able-bodied 19 year old man is supposed to serve a mission. You're able bodied, so you must have had worthiness issues.

Me: Ummm, no. I just wanted to go to a year of college first. Get a year away from home before going into the field.

Judgey Missionary: Right...

Me: Yep, exactly.

Judgey Missionary: There's only one sin that I know of that requires someone to wait a year, and that's breaking the law of chastity.

Me: Ahh, nope. No chastity issue here.

Judgey Missionary: Sure...that's probably what they told you to say since when you're forgiven God doesn't remember your sins anymore so why should you.

Me: So...if we aren't supposed to remember our sins anymore, why are you bringing it up?

Judgey Missionary: See. Knew you had chastity issues. Fact defensive proves it.

Me: (sigh)...ya got me Elder.

Judgey Missionary: Knew it! What was is like?



I feel for Emery. Hope he sorts things out.

Geez, what a crappy thing to have to hear from another missionary. You can only hope people like that eventually grow up.

I guess I'm very lucky. I grew up in Provo, near Timpview High School. I didn't serve a mission until I was over 21 because it wasn't the right time for me at 19, or 20. I never once got pestered by people in my ward, school, or neighbors about why I wasn't going. Once on my mission, I was never berated nor had my worthiness questioned. We were just a bunch of missionaries out doing some hard work in an extremely difficult climate. Since I've been home I've never had anyone question me or call me out for going later.

hawkwing wrote:

Gunk wrote:

Some thoughts:



1) I think the NCAA investigation was the straw that broke the camel's back for Emery. Whether is was a way to skirt repercussions or not, I don't care. By withdrawing, we won't have to hear about it game after game. It won't be a distraction for him or the team.



2) People are nosey and judgey. Mormons, IMO, are particularly judgey. Case in point, I graduated high school at 19. Rather than go right into the mission field, I went to a year of college first. Just about every American missionary I met would badger me about starting my mission "late." The conversation usually went like this:

Judgey Missionary: So, why did you start your mission late?

Me: Uhh...what do you mean? I didn't start it late. I started it within the allotted time period.

Judgey Missionary: Every worthy and able-bodied 19 year old man is supposed to serve a mission. You're able bodied, so you must have had worthiness issues.

Me: Ummm, no. I just wanted to go to a year of college first. Get a year away from home before going into the field.

Judgey Missionary: Right...

Me: Yep, exactly.

Judgey Missionary: There's only one sin that I know of that requires someone to wait a year, and that's breaking the law of chastity.

Me: Ahh, nope. No chastity issue here.

Judgey Missionary: Sure...that's probably what they told you to say since when you're forgiven God doesn't remember your sins anymore so why should you.

Me: So...if we aren't supposed to remember our sins anymore, why are you bringing it up?

Judgey Missionary: See. Knew you had chastity issues. Fact defensive proves it.

Me: (sigh)...ya got me Elder.

Judgey Missionary: Knew it! What was is like?



I feel for Emery. Hope he sorts things out.

Geez, what a crappy thing to have to hear from another missionary. You can only hope people like that eventually grow up.

I guess I'm very lucky. I grew up in Provo, near Timpview High School. I didn't serve a mission until I was over 21 because it wasn't the right time for me at 19, or 20. I never once got pestered by people in my ward, school, or neighbors about why I wasn't going. Once on my mission, I was never berated nor had my worthiness questioned. We were just a bunch of missionaries out doing some hard work in an extremely difficult climate. Since I've been home I've never had anyone question me or call me out for going later.

That was my experience too. We had several older missionaries--23 and 24 if I recall correctly and none of them shared the experience expressed above. Sure there are judgmental members of the church. We are all very imperfect. But some of the least judgmental people I know are members of my ward and family who quietly served without the sort of judgmentalism expressed above.

Well, consider yourself lucky because some shape or form of the above conversation happened at least a half dozen different times to me on my mission. Got tiring. I had a couple of companions that just wouldn't let it go.



I can only imagine the false accusations people are jumping to Emery's case.

I just told the missionaries to go do something anatomically impossible. But then, I was also the missionary when I got transferred to Serbia, the missionaries in Croatia were taking bets about whether I would make it to the end of my mission.

SpiffCoug wrote:

I just told the missionaries to go do something anatomically impossible. But then, I was also the missionary when I got transferred to Serbia, the missionaries in Croatia were taking bets about whether I would make it to the end of my mission.

How much did you have to pay them ;)

SpiffCoug wrote:

I just told the missionaries to go do something anatomically impossible. But then, I was also the missionary when I got transferred to Serbia, the missionaries in Croatia were taking bets about whether I would make it to the end of my mission.

So you’re the guy who caused the Balkan conflict? It all comes together now.

Gunk wrote:

Well, consider yourself lucky because some shape or form of the above conversation happened at least a half dozen different times to me on my mission. Got tiring. I had a couple of companions that just wouldn't let it go.



I can only imagine the false accusations people are jumping to Emery's case.

It is too bad it happened to you. It doesn’t mean that Mormons are judgmental in general or that is how they will and do react in such circumstances. THAT conclusion strikes me as judgmental.

Gunk wrote:

Well, consider yourself lucky because some shape or form of the above conversation happened at least a half dozen different times to me on my mission. Got tiring. I had a couple of companions that just wouldn't let it go.



I can only imagine the false accusations people are jumping to Emery's case.

Double post

I'm sorry that it happened to you Gunk. It really is unfair. There are many judgmental people in all walks of life and we all need a reminder to love one another and be less judgmental. Thanks for sharing your experience.

Gunk, when did you serve. I served in the mid-90s when going to college for a year was the norm. Many missionaries were close to 20 by the they finished a year of college, got their call that summer and entered the MTC and made it to the field.