BYU Fans Banned From The City Of Austin, Texas (Archive)

Fido

12/26/2014, 4:10:37 PM

Frankbartleyv wrote:
Uh..I don't see any typos.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ] http://cougarcorner.com/images/mobile.png" alt="" loading="lazy" style="max-width:100%">

"AUSTIN, TEXAS â The city of Austin petitioned last night to the Texas Senate a bill to ban all BYU fans from entering the city of Austin. It has just been released that a bill has now passed in the past 24 hours to ban any BYU fans from entering the city of Austin due to the depression is has caused on the Longhorn faithful.

Signs of depression first started this fall when Texas faced BYU at DKR Royal Memorial Stadium. Ticket sales and memorabilia sales have been on the decline at an all-time low. It has now reached rock bottom after the loss last night in the NCAA Final Four for Womenâs Volleyball in which Jennifer Hamson went bazerk [berserk] on the #2 nationally-ranked Longhorns.

Here is the reasoning behind this speedy decision according to the Texas Attorney General Herb IâVore:

âBYU is banned do [due] to the fact that all they do is win. They beat us in Football twice, once in soccer and now crushed our hopes for a spot in the NCAA Womenâs Volleyball Championship. This has now resulted in a ban. If Taysom Hill or Jennifer Hamson are seen in the state of Texas, they will be subject to capital punishment. They will not be treated like any other person. They are killing us. Literally.â

The University of Texas has no response to this claim due to the fact that they are still mourning from all previous losses. This proved to be the final straw in assisting Texas Senate majority vote as the city of Austin has decreased profits in business, church and lifestyle. This seems to be their only hope in moving forward.

In conclusion, although this is a parody press release, it is not far from the truth. The City of Austin is confident that they can and will rebuild in the next few years as long as they do not have to face BYU in any other sport."

I'm not trying to be a dork about it but it is highly unlikely that a media outlet would let those misses slip through and some of the phrasing is clumsy--an editor certainly would have cleaned this up: "It has just been released that a bill has now passed in the past 24 hours to ban any BYU fans from entering the city of Austin due to the depression is has caused on the Longhorn faithful."