So I Wrote a Story, but I Need Some Help From Any Writers

Once upon a time....







and that's about as far as I got. I'm sort of having writer's block. Any suggestions from english majors here? Or anyone who just has a wide imagination? It would be much appreciated.

Thanks.

Something about a man who invents a time machine, and then goes to patent it only to find out that someone in the future has used the time machine to go back to the first day the patent office opened and get the first patent on it. So now he has to either find the guy or change the day that the patent office opens so that he can get credit for his invention.

Mars - lame background. I felt your character buildup worked, but the plot needed some work. Make those edits and get back to me.



Schmoe - What is this mans name? Who is he? What is he like? Is he gentle? Strong-willed? Arrogant? I need to know more before I can lose myself in this project.

I would imagine that Philo would be a strong, confident, yet reserved individual. He has always been somewhat passive, but the discovery that his life's work has been pirated begins to inspire change in him (which can be a big part of the story, making it more character driven). He discovers that he is capable of things that he never before imagined and this creates new moral dilemmas and character questions throughout the story.

Here's the kicker: as the story goes on, there are clues that suggest that the person who has stolen his idea is someone that knows him well, and is currently watching him and sabotaging his attempts to return to the future to find out who it is. All culminating with a shocking reveal as to who it is, and a final conflict between the two.



Edit--You may want to throw out your beginning line, though. This doesn't really seem like a "Once upon a time" kind of story.

"The Machines of Time Saga ----- BOOK 1: Keeper of the Machine"

Chapter 1 - Snap Back to Reality? Or Just Snap?



Philo stood in shock and anger at the entrance of his one car garage.

The words his ex-wife had spoken to him the night before sounded over and over in his head.

"Don't you freaking lose that time machine, Philo! You've lost everything else in your life - you have ALWAYS been a big loser. Do NOT lose that time machine!"

He knew that the machine had not only represented a gigantic leap in technological advancement, it represented his chances at winning back his wife, his one true love, his one and only, his one best friend, his one hope, his one.. well, basically, his one everything.

Back to reality. Who could have done this? This question sounded over and over in his head... well, when his wife's words weren't sounding over and over. Who could have done this. "Don't you freaking lose that time machine, Philo." Who could have done this? "Don't you freaking lose that time machine, Philo."

Finally, he snapped.

"ARGGGHHHHHH!"

Silence.

A boy walking his bicycle on the sidewalk in front of his small house stops.

"Are you okay, mister?"

Philo snaps.

"Yes I'm f****** okay you little twerp! Get out of here!"

Suddenly it hits Philo just how unlike himself he is being. All his life, he was always the strong-willed, yet reserved little boy. That's what had brought Sandy to him. That's what had torn them apart. And now, look at him, screaming at an innocent child. Even at the peak of his intelligence, he still couldn't even cope with the smallest trial without losing it. Smart enough to build the world's first time machine - foolish enough to drop the f-bomb in front of a child.



A buzzing in his pants.



Philo opened his cell phone - a text message.

"Just a reminder, don't you freaking lose that time machine, Philo!"

He snaps again.

"WHY IN THE F*** are you still sitting there staring at me you little twerp!?!? Walk that crappy pink bicycle back to your home before I chew it up, swallow it, and it ends up in my toilet you little twerp! Your sister needs her my little pony bike back... it even still has training wheels! Lolz! BEAT IT KID!!!"



An hour passes. Philo wakes up in his bed, the sheets all sweaty. Was it a dream?

It must have been a dream.

Philo walks calmly to the garage door. Opens it.

S#%!, it wasn't a dream.

He speaks to himself. "I must regain my reservedness. I must calm down.... I must... get that time machine."

k, i need more help.

Italics wrote:
k, i need more help.

Philo has a very big problem with flatulence. :P Does this help the storyline?



Ohhh, and he also apparently has a potty mouth. (No pun intended)

kiwibacon wrote:

k, i need more help.

Philo has a very big problem with flatulence. :P Does this help the storyline?



Ohhh, and he also apparently has a potty mouth. (No pun intended)

Hey, what can I say? This stuff is heavy, it's not for kids. This is real life grown-up material here.

Wow, this is the first and last time that I give you any story ideas...

Schmoe wrote:
Wow, this is the first and last time that I give you any story ideas...

:~( I really thought we were onto something good.



...



Now Philo is going to be a suicidal outcast, and he will be mirrored after me. :roll:

Italics wrote:

Wow, this is the first and last time that I give you any story ideas...

:~( I really thought we were onto something good.



...



Now Philo is going to be a suicidal outcast, and he will be mirrored after me. :roll:

Found the problem ;)

Schmoe wrote:

Schmoe wrote:
Wow, this is the first and last time that I give you any story ideas...

:~( I really thought we were onto something good.



...



Now Philo is going to be a suicidal outcast, and he will be mirrored after me. :roll:

Found the problem ;)

*Sticks a needle through schmoe doll*

I write; therefore, I read.

On a serious note I am sorta confused as to what was happening there. Also we know what Philo did or said. We only know a little bit about what he thought-you may want to incorporate how some of this made Philo feel.



Of course how much time you spend on Philo depends on the rest of your story and what is going to be the focus of your story- characters-Philo has to travel to centuries to heal his marriage and his heart, an event-the time machine is going to destroy the world, or the world-look at all the cool places you can visit with the time machine. Of course you can do some of each of the categories but I work a lot better if I have a fairly verbose outline of the whole story.

You could have him go into the future and find that BYU has won 10 consecutive national championships in a row with Bronco now the President of the church.

scott715 wrote:
You could have him go into the future and find that BYU has won 10 consecutive national championships in a row with Bronco now the President of the church.

so who is the new coach? I know the BBall coach will be Tyler Haws by then, but who could be the football coach? I think K-whit ends up joining the LES Events Staff so as to be close to a winning program.

The new coach would be Bronco's wife Holly. She got so interested watching football and listening to Bronco that she had all of the scheme down cold. Also she baked great cookies for the kids that she was recruiting. She won the last two NC's as the head coach.

I just KNEW you guys couldn't let go of a story this captivating!