J
JarheadMy brother in law forwarded this on to me. He got it from his brother, but I think it originated on cougarboard. It may even be adapted from something from last year; I don't really know. You can correct me if I'm wrong...
From the lost book of Taysom
An excerpt from Taysom chapter 41 vs 7
1. And it came to pass that the BYU Cougars were desirous that they should become members of a P5 Conference.
2. And BYU went to the land of Austin, the land being home to the Texas Longhorns, who were members of the Big 12.
3. And as BYU entered the land of Austin, the pundits ignored and mocked them, as was their custom to underestimate all of the non-P5 conferences in the FBS. And thus it was supposed that the Longhorns would slay them according to their will and pleasure.
4. But BYU said unto them: Nay, but you will be our servants. And there was one among them, he being named Taysom Hill, who was appointed their leader. And Taysom led them into battle against the Longhorns.
5. Therefore, as Taysom and the BYU Cougars were driving forth toward the Longhorn end zone, behold a certain number of Longhorns, who were desirous that BYU should not win, stood and challenged the Cougars, insomuch that they held BYU to only 6 first-half points.
6. Now BYU began to murmur, saying: Now the Longhorns will beat us as they did North Texas. And they began to weep exceedingly, saying: We cannot be victorious in the second-half.
7. Now they wept because of the fear of being beaten. Now when Taysom saw this his heart was swollen within him with joy; for, said he, I will show forth my power unto this national audience, or the power which is in me, in defeating these Longhorns, and that I may also win the hearts of our loyal fans, that I may lead them to believe we will go undefeated.
8. And it came to pass that BYU did follow Taysom, and they rushed forth with much swiftness to start the third quarter.
9. But behold those Longhorns stood to force a punt; but Taysom said unto his teammates: Make your assigned blocks, and I will go and contend with these Longhorns who wish to force us to punt.
10. The Longhornâs did not fear Taysom, for they supposed they had sufficiently prepared to contain him. But Taysom ran forth with mighty power. Nevertheless they were angry because of the 2013 blowout, and they were determined that he should fall.
11. Therefore, seeing that they could not tackle him in the backfield, they came forth with their secondary to stop him.
12. But behold, every defender that lifted his hands to tackle Taysom, he hurdled over them with his raw athleticism; for he did withstand their tackles by making them miss in the open field, insomuch that they began to be astonished, and began to stumble before him; and he caused them to miss by the speed of his legs.
13. Now ten of them had missed after he made a hard cut out of the back field, but he juked none save it were their free safety with his hurdle; and he eluded as many of their defenders as were pitted against him, and they were not a few.
14. And it came to pass that they reached the end zone.
15. And again.
16. And again.
17. And again.
18. And again.
19. And the Longhorn fans did murmur exceedingly.
20. And when the game was over, BYU returned in unto the offices of the Big 12, bearing the short-lived careers of the Longhorn coaching staff who had been smitten by the speed of Taysom; and they were carried in unto the offices of the Big 12 for a testimony of the things which BYU had done.
From the lost book of Taysom
An excerpt from Taysom chapter 41 vs 7
1. And it came to pass that the BYU Cougars were desirous that they should become members of a P5 Conference.
2. And BYU went to the land of Austin, the land being home to the Texas Longhorns, who were members of the Big 12.
3. And as BYU entered the land of Austin, the pundits ignored and mocked them, as was their custom to underestimate all of the non-P5 conferences in the FBS. And thus it was supposed that the Longhorns would slay them according to their will and pleasure.
4. But BYU said unto them: Nay, but you will be our servants. And there was one among them, he being named Taysom Hill, who was appointed their leader. And Taysom led them into battle against the Longhorns.
5. Therefore, as Taysom and the BYU Cougars were driving forth toward the Longhorn end zone, behold a certain number of Longhorns, who were desirous that BYU should not win, stood and challenged the Cougars, insomuch that they held BYU to only 6 first-half points.
6. Now BYU began to murmur, saying: Now the Longhorns will beat us as they did North Texas. And they began to weep exceedingly, saying: We cannot be victorious in the second-half.
7. Now they wept because of the fear of being beaten. Now when Taysom saw this his heart was swollen within him with joy; for, said he, I will show forth my power unto this national audience, or the power which is in me, in defeating these Longhorns, and that I may also win the hearts of our loyal fans, that I may lead them to believe we will go undefeated.
8. And it came to pass that BYU did follow Taysom, and they rushed forth with much swiftness to start the third quarter.
9. But behold those Longhorns stood to force a punt; but Taysom said unto his teammates: Make your assigned blocks, and I will go and contend with these Longhorns who wish to force us to punt.
10. The Longhornâs did not fear Taysom, for they supposed they had sufficiently prepared to contain him. But Taysom ran forth with mighty power. Nevertheless they were angry because of the 2013 blowout, and they were determined that he should fall.
11. Therefore, seeing that they could not tackle him in the backfield, they came forth with their secondary to stop him.
12. But behold, every defender that lifted his hands to tackle Taysom, he hurdled over them with his raw athleticism; for he did withstand their tackles by making them miss in the open field, insomuch that they began to be astonished, and began to stumble before him; and he caused them to miss by the speed of his legs.
13. Now ten of them had missed after he made a hard cut out of the back field, but he juked none save it were their free safety with his hurdle; and he eluded as many of their defenders as were pitted against him, and they were not a few.
14. And it came to pass that they reached the end zone.
15. And again.
16. And again.
17. And again.
18. And again.
19. And the Longhorn fans did murmur exceedingly.
20. And when the game was over, BYU returned in unto the offices of the Big 12, bearing the short-lived careers of the Longhorn coaching staff who had been smitten by the speed of Taysom; and they were carried in unto the offices of the Big 12 for a testimony of the things which BYU had done.