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C'mon Ttexas tim, You Can do Better than THIS

by Italics · 11/25/2009

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I
Italics
taken from utefans:



"A zoob graduated with his glorious degree from the "Lords" university, and found his only employment option was a local sawmill.



Just before lunch on his first day, he lost a finger. When asked how he lost it, he replied "I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi ... Gosh Darn It to Heck! There goes another one!"



that's the best joke you could come up with? ;)



At least do something original... like a joke about multiple wives! :P
T
ttexastim
Those are all Aggie jokes that I substitued with y'alls name. All of them ended with a trumpet "wah wah wah" rathern then a "ba dum ching".
A
ABYUFAN
I hear that when Jordan Wynn tried out for the Ute team this year it went something like this.



"Can you tackle?" Kryle asked.



"Watch this," said Jordan, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.



"Wow," Quitingham said. "I'm impressed. Can you run?"



"Of course I can run," Jordan said. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a 100-yard dash.



"Great!" the Whit said. "But can you pass a football?"



Jordan hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
A
ABYUFAN
If you see a Ute on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?



It's probably your bike.
T
ttexastim
LOL! I don't care who you are ... That is funny! Nice one ABYUFAN.



(NOTE: I'm refferring to the first one) :D
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A
ABYUFAN
My all-time favorite rivalry joke:



A family of Utes headed out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Cougar jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Cougar fan and I would like this for Christmas".



His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

Off goes the little lad with the Cougar jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Cougar fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"



Off he goes with the Cougar jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Cougar fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been a Cougar fan for an hour and I already hate you Ute bastards."

:utard:
M
Matty-B
ABYUFAN wrote:
My all-time favorite rivalry joke:



A family of Utes headed out one Saturday to do their Christmas shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up a Cougar jersey and says to his older sister, "I've decided to become a Cougar fan and I would like this for Christmas".



His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to mother".

Off goes the little lad with the Cougar jersey in hand and finds his mother. "Mom?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Cougar fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"



Off he goes with the Cougar jersey in hand and finds his father. "Dad?" "Yes son?" "I've decided I'm going to be a Cougar fan and I would like this jersey for Christmas". The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!"

About half an hour later they're all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says "Son, I hope you've learned something today?" The son says, "Yes, Dad, I have." "Good son, what is it?" The son replies, "I've only been a Cougar fan for an hour and I already hate you Ute bastards."

:utard:




LOLOL! Thanks man, I got a good laugh from that, my wife enjoyed it too
U
urroner
An Aggie, a :utard: , and a :) were out with their wives one night on a triple date and they were all involved in a terrible accident and they all died.



As they walked up to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter steps out and asked them what they thought they should get to Heaven.



The Aggie said that he had lived a good life. St. Peter thought about it for a second and said "True, but you loved your money way toooooo much. In fact, you loved it soooo much, you married a woman named Penny. To Hell with the both of you."



Poof, they were gone.



He then asked the :utard: the same question and the :utard: responded with "Yes, he really did like his money, but I paid my tithing and fast offerings. I helped my neighbors and fed the missionaries once a month. I even went to church most Sundays."



St. Peter thought about it for a second and said "True, but you loved your booze way toooooo much. In fact, you loved it soooo much, you married a woman named Brandy. To Hell with the both of you."



Poof, they were gone.



The :) walked up and just looked at St. Peter for a long, long time and finally he just turned to his wife and quietly said "Let's just go Fanny."
I
Italics
urroner wrote:
An Aggie, a :utard: , and a :) were out with their wives one night on a triple date and they were all involved in a terrible accident and they all died.



As they walked up to the Pearly Gates, St. Peter steps out and asked them what they thought they should get to Heaven.



The Aggie said that he had lived a good life. St. Peter thought about it for a second and said "True, but you loved your money way toooooo much. In fact, you loved it soooo much, you married a woman named Penny. To Hell with the both of you."



Poof, they were gone.



He then asked the :utard: the same question and the :utard: responded with "Yes, he really did like his money, but I paid my tithing and fast offerings. I helped my neighbors and fed the missionaries once a month. I even went to church most Sundays."



St. Peter thought about it for a second and said "True, but you loved your booze way toooooo much. In fact, you loved it soooo much, you married a woman named Brandy. To Hell with the both of you."



Poof, they were gone.



The :) walked up and just looked at St. Peter for a long, long time and finally he just turned to his wife and quietly said "Let's just go Fanny."


This joke takes on an interesting new twist if you're from Europe...
I
imuakahuku
Three :utard:'s are riding in a car, whose driving...a State Trooper.



I heard :utard: 's team was going to be late arriving. They passed a sign on the highway that said 'Clean Restrooms' so they did.



I hear it's gotten significantly harder to get into :utard: University. You have to have at least a 2.0 Blood-Alcohol Content for admission.



How do you get 12 Muss in a VW Bug...toss in a can of beer.
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M
Mars
imuakahuku wrote:
I hear it's gotten significantly harder to get into :utard: University. You have to have at least a 2.0 Blood-Alcohol Content for admission.

That's pretty high.
B
BerliNY
Italics wrote:
An Aggie, a :utard: , and a :) were out with their wives one night on a triple date and they were all involved in a terrible accident and they all died.

....

The :) walked up and just looked at St. Peter for a long, long time and finally he just turned to his wife and quietly said "Let's just go Fanny."


This joke takes on an interesting new twist if you're from Europe...


Yeah, can't she be named Mulva instead?
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