This Just In Independence Edition

Israelites slam Moses after one year in the wilderness--"Independence nothing! Where's this land of promise?" ask protesters.



In related news, the Big East, i.e. Assyria, announces it is contemplating a possible merger of Israel....



Monty Python and the Holy Grail to do a 2011 version of movie. Jordan Wynn to star as the Black Knight. "The dude pretty much is armless already."



Herman Cain really upset that there is a rock on Gov. Perry's ranch that has a bad word that was painted over abuot 30 years ago. Perry's chief supporter, an evangelical, calls Gov. Romney a member of a cult. Cain does not condemn the slur because he is not running for theologian. He is apparently running as a paleogeologist....



And this just in: Chip Brown has tweeted that officials close to Moses see a long run before Israel finds the land of milk and honey. "Don't expect anything to happen next year or the year thereafter."

Wow, the parallels are ENDLESS!



Publicly available logs of recent cart movements to and from Jericho have identified that Israeli representatives might already be in Jericho as we speak. Unfortunately, those cart destinations take them right to the prostitution wing of the city so we cannot verify their authenticity.



The Philistines have been caught recruiting Giants into their armies again and the entire Promised Land watches as regulatory agencies assess penalties. Rumors have it that one, Goliath, was unfairly enticed by Generals with loose women and free rentals at a local chariot dealership. The entire nation might get the death penalty as a result.



Insiders with connections to Moses and Joshua report that Joshua has a "secret" way of destroying all of Jericho's walls at the same time. Top military officials advisers refuse to issue additional comments repeating only that "we are excited by the opportunity to attack the city with our existing facilities and look forward to causing its destruction." In other news, a large number of rams have been killed recently....



The Philistine conference, Gideon Conference and Midianite conference all issue statements regarding the threat of a looming Israeli conference armageddon. "We are not interested in expansion, and hope that others respect our wishes and not poach conference members."



Israelis reply to the aforementioned press release with one of their own: "We feel that all Gentile nations, fans, supporters are better off being brought under one massive super-conference for the betterment of all!" Critics say that Israel's real goal is to just kill every man, woman, child,goat and pig in the area and take everything for themselves.



Most Israelites realize that leaving Egypt was a necessity born out of Egyptians taking advantage of the economic power of the Israelis, complete lack of concessions at the negotiating table, and a lack of appreciation by Hair Pharaoh. However several prominent Israelis point out that at least in Egypt we weren't wandering around looking for someone to come all the way out into the desert to play with us.

So who had leverage in the negotiations between Moses and Pharoh? Why did they take so long?

Israelites are now complaining about their gift of manna saying it would be so much more tasteful if the could get it from the big 12 instead of the big guy. Threaten to find another tribe if Moses, Aaron and the others on the BoT don't do anything about it.



There is a great division amongst the Israelites between Pharoh and Moses. Those backing Pharoh say he is better because he is a 5 star Pharoh while they say Moses isn't even a D-1 Pharoh and none of his miracles will work once they can game plan for him.



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Well, we already sent a plague of locusts to the MWC.....UNR, FSU, Hawaii....

When is the destroying angel going to come and wipe out the first born of every conference?

I'm just waiting for the CougST translation of the college football edition.



14. "And the (a) LORD hardened Tom Holmoe's heart against the BIG 12..."













14a. CougST Tom Holmoe hardened his own heart against ...

Ex4:10. And Tom Holmoe said unto the Big 12, O my Big 12, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue.



JST Ex4:10 - And Tom Holmoe did not respond quickly enough to the Big 12.

scott715 wrote:
When is the destroying angel going to come and wipe out the first born of every conference?

That would be...

MWC:BSU

Big12:Texas

Big10:OSU

ACC:VaTech

BigEast:WVU

SEC:ALABAMA

Pac12:USC

Ex4:11 And Tom Holmoe cried unto the Big 12, O that I were a decision maker and didn't have to wait for the mysterious Board of Trustees.

And the Land of Desolation would be the Big East.